The Bermuda Triangle of aikido:

Why do enthusiastic beginners disappear before the first training session? - The psychological roots of the mystery

• 27, May 2025.
• Ferenc Nemeth

As an instructor, I often encounter the puzzling phenomenon where someone calls multiple times, shows keen interest in Aikido training, and sometimes even purchases equipment, such as a brand-new gi (Aikido uniform), yet ultimately fails to appear for the first class, especially early morning sessions. I've long been intrigued by the question: why does this happen? Why is it that someone shows serious interest, takes concrete steps, and then backs out at the last moment? I confess, I would gladly reach out to these no-show enquirers and, completely anonymously, without any judgment, simply out of curiosity, ask them about the real reasons. I hold no ill feelings towards those who decide this way; rather, I feel a deep curiosity aimed at understanding. This curiosity is not only about comprehension but also about a genuine desire to improve if there are any factors related to myself or the dojo's operation that contribute to this phenomenon.

This series of articles attempts to explore the invisible obstacles and internal psychological processes that tower between sincere interest and actual participation. In this first part, we will analyze in-depth the reasons behind the phenomenon, its psychological and social background, as well as instructional and style-specific aspects, focusing specifically on why some individuals stay away from the very first session.

The gulf between intention and action: the "intention-behavior gap"

Psychology refers to the well-documented phenomenon where expressed intentions (e.g., "I want to start Aikido") do not, or only partially, translate into actual behavior as the "intention-behavior gap." It's important to understand that this isn't merely a matter of willpower. Research indicates that our intentions explain only about 30-40% of our actual health-related behaviors, including physical exercise. Starting Aikido, as a new physical activity, falls precisely into this category. Initial calls and equipment purchases signal strong intent, but numerous factors – such as the type of motivation, the absence of specific triggers, an individual's response to stress, available mental capacity, and the concrete process of realizing goals – can contribute to the formation of this gap. Lifestyle changes often feel like a "hard pill to swallow," even when intentions are strong. Understanding this gap helps to depersonalize the "no-show" phenomenon.

Why is it so hard to start something new? The labyrinth of the brain, fears, and habits

• The Brain's Resistance and the Inertia of Old Ruts:

  Forming new habits literally requires "rewiring" our brain, which demands more cognitive effort than maintaining existing routines. Our brain operates in two modes: habit-based (automatic, low-energy) and goal-directed (conscious, higher-energy). A new activity like Aikido requires a shift to the goal-directed mode, which can be taxing, especially in stressful situations when we tend to rely on ingrained habits. Change itself can be frightening due to unknown factors and the risk of failure. Furthermore, new behaviors may have hidden drawbacks (e.g., time commitment, physical discomfort) that are overlooked in the initial enthusiasm.

• Overly Ambitious Goals and the "All-or-Nothing" Trap:

  Many people set unrealistic goals (e.g., wanting to perform perfectly immediately), and if they feel they cannot achieve this or make a minor mistake, they tend to give up entirely. Perfectionism and the fear of making mistakes (atelophobia) can be significant barriers.

• Procrastination as an Emotional Refuge (Experiential Avoidance):

  Often, procrastination isn't due to poor time management but is a way to avoid negative feelings (anxiety about starting, fear of failure, discomfort with novelty, the awkwardness of a new group situation). Postponing the first class can bring temporary relief but sustains the problem in the long run. People tend to avoid unpleasant internal experiences, even if it has negative long-term consequences. The illusion of the "perfect time" can lead to further postponement.

• The Primacy of Deep Intrinsic Motivation (the "Will to Want"):

  An instructor's personal experience can also shed light: someone who once made significant sacrifices (e.g., traveling alone abroad for a specific training camp) had strong, deep-seated motivation and a clear "why." If this inner fire, this intense "will to want," is missing in an enquirer, and their interest is more of a superficial curiosity or the result of external pressure, then the smallest obstacle can deter them. Conversely, some find such joy in practice, that specific "flow" state, that it carries them along, and they might even spend hours at home refining movements, simply because – as one of our dedicated, experienced training partners puts it – "they love this feeling." Igniting this inner flame in others is one of the most difficult yet beautiful challenges of teaching.

• Past Experiences and Unconscious Resistance:

  Previous negative experiences or even unprocessed traumas can create unconscious resistance to new, potentially vulnerable situations. Sometimes people cling to their current, albeit problematic, state ("illness") because it offers hidden "secondary gains" (e.g., attention, avoidance of responsibility), and they perceive change as a threat.

The impact of a changed world: post-pandemic isolation and screen comfort

Beyond the above, it's important to consider changes in the broader social environment, especially since the COVID-19 pandemic:

• Home as the Primary Comfort Zone:

  With the rise of remote work, distance learning, and online living, home has become the safest, most comfortable environment for many. Leaving it for a new, unfamiliar activity requiring personal presence may demand even greater effort.

• The "Screen Lifestyle" and Diminished Social Practice:

  A significant portion of our lives unfolds in front of phone and computer screens, where virtual interactions are controlled and predictable. This "digital homeliness" can contrast sharply with the challenges of a real, physical group activity, where one must connect with new people and adapt. Due to the decrease in personal encounters, the "fitness" of social skills may have declined, potentially increasing anxiety about social situations.

• The "Inconvenience" of Real Interactions:

  If virtual space becomes the primary interaction sphere, participating in a physical training session, where one must directly engage with others and where physical performance also matters, can seem much more burdensome.

These post-pandemic societal phenomena can further deepen existing psychological barriers like social anxiety, procrastination, or experiential avoidance, and widen the "intention-behavior gap."

The paradox of investment:
When the purchased gi becomes a burden – "ego investment" and cognitive dissonance

It would seem logical that someone who has already invested money and energy in preparation (e.g., bought an Aikido uniform) would be even more committed. This is "ego investment": a part of our self-esteem and identity becomes linked to the goal. Purchasing a gi is a tangible sign of this commitment, placing a kind of psychological "stake" on the individual.

However, if strong fears exist concurrently (e.g., "What if I'm clumsy?", "What if I don't like it?", "What if they laugh at me?", "What if my investment isn't worth it?"), then cognitive dissonance arises. This is an internal tension, an unpleasant psychological state stemming from the contradiction between our past actions (the investment) and our internal worries and doubts.

One way to resolve this dissonance is to avoid the situation entirely – that is, not showing up for the class. This way, one doesn't have to face potential failure and the unpleasant feeling that the investment was "wasted," or that one cannot meet the expectations raised by oneself (by purchasing the gi). The investment, paradoxically, can increase the stakes and anxiety, rather than strengthening the commitment to act. The individual might "get their courage stuck in their sinews" (lose their nerve) when the previously attractive goal suddenly becomes filled with perceived dangers and the possibility of failure. The sunk cost fallacy can also play a role, albeit somewhat in reverse here: instead of continuing due to past investment, the pressure from the investment and the fear of "wasting" it (if they don't enjoy it or aren't good at it) can lead to avoidance.

Specific challenges of aikido and martial arts (from a beginner's perspective)

• Fears:

  The fear of injury, the fear of "looking clumsy" (self-presentation concerns), or reservations about physical contact can all be real worries that surface strongly before the first class. Social anxiety, the fear of integrating into a new group, is also a significant deterrent.

• Misconceptions and Expectations about Aikido:

  Misconceptions about Aikido (e.g., effectiveness, training methods – "too soft," "staged") may exist, or a beginner might have unrealistic expectations about the speed of learning or the philosophy. If reality (or the perceived reality after some research) differs from this, they might become hesitant even before actually trying it.

• The Nature of "Jumping In":

  In many dojos, beginners practice immediately with advanced students, which can be daunting or overwhelming for some if there isn't a proper, structured introduction. Learning martial arts, including Aikido, requires much repetition and perseverance (the "grind"), which might differ from the expectations of those seeking quick results.

• Identity Formation and the "Who Am I?" Question:

  A new, serious hobby like Aikido often raises questions of identity even before starting. The thought of adopting an "Aikidoka" identity, or questioning whether it truly fits the individual, can create internal conflicts leading to postponement of the start.

The added difficulties of morning training sessions

The early morning schedule can present further obstacles for the motivated beginner:

• Physiological and Practical Factors:

  Lower energy levels upon waking, muscle stiffness, the inconvenience of disrupting the usual daily routine.

• Anticipatory Anxiety:

  Cortisol (stress hormone) levels are naturally higher for many in the morning. The anticipation leading up to the class can amplify anxiety, potentially leading to a last-minute decision not to attend. The pressures of "life getting in the way" (family responsibilities, preparing for work) can also be stronger in the morning.

• The Unique Difficulty of "Getting Started" in the Morning:

  As an old but very true saying goes – and this is exponentially true for morning training sessions –: "The hardest part of training is getting started." While in the afternoon, after finishing work, there might be a certain momentum that can carry us towards the gym instead of straight home (although the "little devil's" temptation, the call of the couch, is not negligible here either), in the morning, breaking away from the comfort of a warm bed and established routines to engage in a physically and mentally active endeavor often requires much greater initial effort, a kind of internal "self-propulsion." This "difficulty of getting started" is what often overrides even the best intentions, making morning training particularly vulnerable to procrastination and avoidance.

Deeper psychological currents and the dilemma of the "served on a platter" opportunity

Sometimes, even deeper reasons contribute to the failure to take the initial step:

• Fear of Commitment:

  A general difficulty with long-term, regular commitment, which might be more pronounced with a "Do" (Path/Way) type art like Aikido.

• The Comfort of "Someday":

  Keeping an activity as an attractive "potential" future endeavor can be more comfortable than facing the reality, effort, and potential disappointment of actual execution.

• The "Free" or "Too Easy" Trap:

  The question may arise whether an overly simplified start with no effort required (e.g., a free month, everything "served on a platter") sometimes diminishes the value of the thing in the potential student's eyes. If someone doesn't make their own initial effort, they may feel less ownership of the goal, and deep internal commitment might be harder to form. This doesn't mean generous offers are bad, but it highlights that they alone are not always enough to overcome the strongest internal barriers or the lack of a genuine "will to want."

The "missing feeling" and perseverance:
When enthusiasm isn't enough to get started

It can be observed that even if someone attends one or two sessions (be it Aikido or even Qigong), has positive experiences, and visibly enjoys themselves, they might still drop out later. Often, minor ailments, illnesses, or simply "not feeling well enough" that morning are cited as reasons for not starting or continuing. In such cases, one might suspect that the physical condition isn't the sole deterrent, but rather a lack of that deep, internal drive, that "moving feeling," which would carry them over these minor obstacles. The feeling that, for example, keeps the most dedicated practitioners away from practice only in cases of serious illness (e.g., fever) and encourages them to continue honing their movements even at home. If this inner fire, this receptiveness to the "flow experience," isn't strong enough from the very beginning, or if fears suppress it, then even the best intentions and the most attractive external circumstances might not lead to taking that first, decisive step.

(This first article summarizes the possible reasons why someone, despite strong initial interest, doesn't make it to their first Aikido training. In the next part of this series, we will examine the dynamics at play for those who do start practicing, with particular regard to the different challenges and opportunities faced by complete beginners and more experienced practitioners from other styles in a specific Aikido style.)